Letter to Crush (Day 2)

-Letter to Crush

Dear Crush,

Today I have my fingers poised on these keys and I am strolling down the memory lanes. Times when it was budding teenage and even a mere eye contact with you would make the stomach feel fluttery and head a bit light. It was a sweet age, when crushes were just simple crushes, with no particular promises attached and of course, no one dared to approach directly to his crush too. A whole world resided in simple glimpses, corner twitching smiles and really, really small talks. Perhaps it was part of the effect of being in school, recent plunge in English movies may be, I Dunno.

I would reroute my cafeteria path just so that our paths would cross. And upon seeing you there, I would act oblivious and so-much-forced-natural. I don't know it was visible under that cool look and composure or not, but I always tried to hide it. Then I would giggle about you with my best friend. Those were some days.. New experience at using Internet and it was such a charm. Talking with boys/crushes was such a big deal! And if someone's crush added him/her on MSN messenger, sent a Hotmail email... It was considered to be a super great and a huge thing!

So, I remember you getting my email address from a mutual friend of ours and sending an email, full of emo quotes! :D
Haha, I was flattered. But I did get angry with my friend for giving my ID without my consent. Of course, email ID was considered to be a holy grail back then! XD
The era of forward emails was at peak then and I would receive ample from you. Neither I was the writing type back then nor were you.
(Pst, you still aren't. :P).
Then the huge gap was also somehow filled with the introduction of orkut. Still, we would be extra conscious to scrap because it was all public. Blimey, how we stalked! :D

It was fun, you know. Having something else to look forward to, instead of just lectures, tests and homework, while getting ready for school, having something to giggle about and have apparent serious discussions with best friends about you. That is how it worked; having a crush; it came and went away just like that. :D While we thought it was something serious. Lol. Childhood and initial teenage.

Ending note, I know you are doing great (hell, we are sometimes-once-in-a-while-texting friends now =D) and I also know you really, really, really want to get married. I hope you do soon :D
Best wishes your way, dude.
:) 

Best Friend

- Letter to a Best Friend (Day 1)

Dear Hira,

It seems funny to write you a digital letter when we actually have exchanged the old snail mail letters. Well only for one time but hell, it was fun. I am actually glad you shared my nerdiness for liking the old fashion way of corresponding and plunged in to write me a long letter during summer vacations :) Pstt, did I tell you that the letter was actually ransacked by my grandma before it actually reached me. Boy, did I flare up on that, Privacy people!

Our friendship is pretty amazing, isn't it? For starters.. when we were not friends, we weren't even strangers.. we were ENEMIES. Lol. And then, I don't know what actually happened and how we crossed the barriers of hate we had set. You unfurled worlds to me, Hira. Letting me borrow the first book ever to read, Harry Potter and making me embark the journey of reading books. Although you ALWAYS curse me for misplacing your books, bending the corners, splashing something on them (Off-note: Peeps, please don't stop lending me books after reading this. I'm not that bad, Hira exaggerates :D ), well, despite all these and threats to not lend me your books again.. you always lend me your books, Always! :)

I would always cherish those 12 years of school we spent together, all those craziness, those silly laughters and of course tears too! Although you were always a decent and a sober one but still that never stopped me from ranting about boys infront of you and seeking opinions. And boy did I get angry at your composure, calmness and all.. For a hot-head, impulsive and impromptu person like me, your composure was always disturbing but not anymore. You're a brave one, really and I have learnt to appreciate it and be proud about that. Oh but... graduating with a 3.9 cgpa, man that does not settle with me... STILL! And, I still hate it the way you freak out when exams are near and you cacoon up. Loosen up a bit.

I know I made you cry once and I take this chance today to actually tell you how awful I feel about it. Silly quarrels, honestly. I'm glad growing up did good to us, more like to me, induced some sense =D

Now that we are about to be away for a year, I want you to know how much you mean to me. Always meant to me. You have always been my bottomless pit to throw in my secrets and never judged me. Always have some proper, uncynical advice or opinion for me and never for once letting me feel out of place.

Sixteen years and counting, Woah! That is a lot, right? :)
But I really want to make it jubblees...like platinum, silver, golden or whatever. Be there.
I love you.

Sundus.

Resurrection

I want to have a resurrection,

after all this havocking destruction.

Here I stand, in all this debris,

trying to climb out of this abyss.

come, hold my hand tight,

cuz only then would my fears take flight,

and the heaviness of m'heart would lift.

come and be the God's gift,

for which I wait day after day.

come, before my sanity steers away.

Oh come, and take me higher,

away from these licking flames of fire!

together we conquer the odyssey of life.

Tell me, won't you struggle and thrive?

for after all this havocking destruction,

come and give me a resurrection.

Sisterhood

"Hey do you think this shirt goes well with this jeans? I think it doesn't match that stylo but what's your opinion?"

"Can I borrow your hair-catch , you see, it goes pretty cool with my outfit! oh and your watch too *big-grin* "

TiiIIiiSshHhh!!

"Oh my Gosh! That was mum's favorite glass! what do I do now?? Hey! would you cover it for me? Say yes, say yes! C'mon, C'mon....C'mon!!"

Well I do have to cove her up! After-all she's my sister!

Always up with something and always having something to say, the constant chatter-box, yes my sister!

With sparkling eyes, bouncing steps, quick-witty look, ever-smiley face and Yes!! how can i forget! EVER-NAGGING and EVER-IRRITATING!!

When kids, she would nag me to complete her half-made drawing just because it would look better and she doesn't know how to draw that particular stuff.

Man! c'mon, don't draw that if you can't!...GrrRr!!

Sometimes she would give me somethings out of her 'treasure' and if after that we had a row she'd start asking that back even when she had promised she WOULDN'T! Ugh!

She would want to copy me, whatever I do she had to do that. She was happy if mum gets us same clothes, GOD! I hated that, literally!

But time changes and it did change for my sister too. She grew-up [not that I din't, I was sensible before too :D]

She also grew out of her nagging and no, not irritating-self, just the nagging thing. she still irritates me! lol!

But now i've got my secret-keeper, the one I could turn back to and oh yeah! scold as well.

Hey! the best part, I get to borrow her things. Errr.....my borrowing is different. Even if she isn't willing to give, i still 'borrow'.

Well,,,that gives her liberty to lay her hands on my stuff as well. huh! in situations as such..

"Uhh....I really have to go over to my friend's place, and you gotta help me get mum's permission"

She would try to make me bribe her with something but i wouldn't. So anyways, she would have to help me.

*angelic-look*

This is how goes with a sister.

Sisters are meant to be such. They are meant to be your soul-mates and always help you in every dire situation.

Even if you have to do some sneaking, they'd be on the watch-out *winks*.

A little spice, A little giggle, all the colors, glitters, shine, fun and happiness added together takes the form of a sister.

Three Cheers to the Sisterhood!

LONG LIVE SISTERHOOD!

The Haven

She sits there, forlorn and tired. Her chin rests on her knees as she hugs herself to block the chill off. The moon throws its eerie, silvery glow over the world below. A distant hoot of a barn owl or a howl from some stray dog breaks the icy silence. She gazes somewhere far, not knowing herself the destination unknown.
She thinks about him and an affectionate sigh escapes her lips as she shifts her position. There he stands…that captivating smile playing on his handsome face, reaching his eyes and making them dance.
He moves towards her with gait like a feather floating in air and reaches her softly.
“What’s bothering you today?” he whispers as he floats down beside her. She looks away, her hair making a veil of black silk over her face.
“The dream…” not looking at him, she says in a small voice.
He laces her fingers with hers and softly presses her hand. Surprised he is at the coldness of the small hand in his. He rubs it, glowing warmth spreads through her. That even melted the ice of her eyes causing the water to trace her cheeks.
“The dream again.” Says he.
“He never comments on the dream, never unfolds its mystery to me? Why it haunts me so?! Why am I so alone in it when he is always within thoughts reach…?”
She thinks as her eyes searches the answers on his radiant face. His lips brushes against the back of her hand, his touch like a cool breeze flowing through the leaves, making them dance ever so lightly.
She smiles then; his presence always has such effect on her. He notices the calmness spread over her so steers her towards her room. The graceful fingers tuck her in and he sits there, holding her hand until she lulls to sleep, looking in those dreamy eyes.
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She stands there all alone, scared and panting as is she has run miles and miles. A heart-stopping growl makes her realize that she is being surrounded by wolves…blood-thirsty, cold-blooded and lusty wolves, who looks at her with drooling mouths. She backs away, tries to save herself but stumbles and falls down. Closing around her are wolves and stranded she is alone…
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She wakes up all sweaty and out of breath. Her heart thumping wildly as if was trying to break the cage of ribs. She looks around but couldn’t find him.
“Why this dream haunts me so much?!” sobs she.
“Why are these wolves always clambering around me? Looking at me so lustfully… why am I so alone in it? Why isn’t there somebody to help me out? Is it how the send would be like? Would I be taken by the wolves…tear me apart, would they?”
“So many questions, Lord! So many! For answers I search, I crave…” she sobs in her hands.
His touch spreads ripples through her, just as a stone thrown in still water, those ripples which spread further and further until disappearing. He says nothing, just holds her tight. Her answers still blowing in the wind, the questions echoing in her ears…she buries her face in his chest and feels safe there, in the protection of his arms.
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This world is clustering and overflowing with wolves un-leashed. All lusty and barbaric. Woman’s respect has shrunk to merely desires and lust. This is the dream that irks her so much, she being all alone in this world with “wolves” around her.
She takes refuge in her imagination where she is loves, truly and respectfully. Where he holds her tightly when she is scared, suffocated and torn. Listens to her passionately and calmly when she is all down…where she is not looked at with lustful eyes, drooling mouths.
These imaginations, visions and illusions sometimes form shape, reality. And this reality keeps the world struggling on, gives many a people a reason to live, breath, smile and to look forward to a new day, to the crisp sun to glimpse over the horizon and…to feel the warmth.

---

My Breath comes out cold as I wonder in this frosty winter night. My feet leaving prints on the fine, crunchy ice. After trudging for some time I stopped and looked back. All I could see is the snowy white ice and on it, looking like dark halo, imprints of my feet. Not at all elegant…the way they used to be, the gait has lost its grace. They are uncertain, heavy and stumbling steps. For some time, I sit there wishing for these prints to vanish, staring at them as if only staring would make the ice melt and fill those spaces known to be print of my feet.
When the fingers of my feet protested for the intense cold, l sigh, making a frosted white cloud in front of my face. “This cold and ice is so strange,” I thought. “You walk on it and your feet and body will remain warm, alive. Stop at it and it eats you up. Just like sadness…walk over it and you will remain warm, alive but stop at it… you suffocate and die.”
Darkness around me and the earth shining bright under my feet, I again walk ahead. The snake-line imprint of my feet following me everywhere I go. On the path, all the trees are bare with naked limbs intermingled, giving somewhat an eerie look. The path leads to a lake, all frozen. Taking small steps I reach it. Feeling an unknown dread I take a peep in it. The clear icy surface shows a face with dangerously dull eyes, colorless lips and mattered hair.
‘Who is she? ’ I wander.
The fear inside me holding me back, stopping me from acknowledging the answer I already knew.
‘It is you…’ the wind whispers in my ears. Stooping again…I look into those eyes; I extend my hand, the ‘person’ extents her hand too.
I touched it, so icy cold…shivers pass me.
‘This is me…’ was it a question or a remark??
A tear fell on the icy surface, I withdraw my hand and without looking back stand up, vacating that place which showed me my identity, my reality.
I now walk with a heavy heart, wishing this darkness swallows me up…makes me a part of it. This way I won’t have to bear those dull, vacant eyes and those colorless lips. Parted as if asking questions, those questions whose answers the mind knew but the heart doesn’t want to acknowledge.
I am running away from inevitable. I am afraid to voice aloud my fears. I want to pretend that everything is fine, the same. The sun shines…the moon spreads its glow and the stars twinkle in the vast velvety black sky….but then why is it so cold…??
The tail of footprints still following me, I creep through the silent cold night…hugging my own self, for in all this obscurity and draftiness…my body is the only asylum which tells…there’s Hope.
And I moved on…

O God...forgive me when i whine..

Today here I stand,
With clasped hands,
In front of the Mighty,
With down cast eyes, with piety.
Recalling my sins
And negligence of my duties
For engrossed I became
In these worldly beauties.
But after these days, so tiring,
I seek sanctuary in His kingdom.
Forget, I did, His message, His word.
Going knee deep in this freedom.
Today I am with bowed head,
My heart was replaced by lead.
I incurred His displeasure.
Being proud and holding high my head.
But again in front of Him I am,
To break through the refuge so sham
With every tear and every sob
I long for His blessing
For the forgiveness I hope.
He is Generous, He is Merciful,
He is Beneficial, He is Merciful.
He is the first, He is the Last.
“To Thee we pray,
And from Thee we seek help”
I am a mere human, a sinner
I look up at Him, the Forgiver.
Surely the fall my pride hath,
So please God:
“Guide us to the right path”
Never, I intend, to be astray
Holding His hand, showered in His blessings spray
Bowing down, to Him I thank
For this life and the happiness I bank,
Forgive me Allah…for my blindness
Am a swali in the court of Thy Highness
Forgive me…for only you know my tears,
And all my fears,
Blind I was…to seek help elsewhere
Now I feel light, as I stand here
Feeling a bond with You,
To be a better person, now I care.

Eternal Bliss

Silence is all what I hear,
Its echoes is what now I have to bear,
I feel the ache, the burn of unshed tear,
At the sky I look, the unbinding vastness I fear,
Beyond it I see, God smile at me, so dear
Mesmerized by it, on the ground I fall.
With the broken sobs, pain shaking me whole,
“Why this suffering God, why this all?
After reaching the destiny, why do I fall?”
He smiles thus, against the night’s coal,
“Why thou fear m’child, nothing hidden from m’eyes,
Know, I do, thy throbbing, all the hurting lies”
I sit there…still, afraid to move,
Smiling...God extends His hand,
Soothing voices bloom, gone is the land.
Around me wings flutter, swirls the sand,
I sigh in those arms, feeling no pain.
Content…for the eternal life alas I gain.
Leaving behind the burning rain…
And this world…all so vain.

Dreams...

The moon ascended the stairs towards the vastness of the skies. Reaching there with all its glory. Looking down upon the earth in a soothing way. Enveloping the place with the silvery glow. How lovely are the portals of the night,When stars come out to watch the daylight die. The whole environment is hushed…as if speaking would break the pure fragile glass of silence. Peace prevails everywhere and the sanctity dominates the troubled minds. Sometimes the vulnerability of the night was broken by a soft hooting of an owl or a distant cry of some stray dog.
All this spreads the aura of a desire, a desire to retreat to a fantasized refuge. Where none other can reach but you.
It’s a valley where darkness prevails yet hopes flourish. Where souls depart yet happiness linger. That valley where things happen but are out of one’s reach…only to be felt.
Where there are no boundaries, no customs, no limitations and no restrictions. In that place you fly when you wish to, you swim deep when you desire to and you climb high when u intend to.
In that valley it is spring when you are happy. Flowers bloom everywhere, butterflies flutter and the shinning sun warms your spirit.
But its winter and autumn…cold and frozen in that valley when you are sad. Leaves flutter down from the trees, leaving their support…to be blown by the harsh winds towards destination unknown and to be cracked under alien feet.
The mist covering you…turns you cold. Your emotions get frozen. That is when your heart is not open.
It all happens in that valley. Its all about happiness, sorrow, springs, autumns, winters and emotions…..it is all about dreams...

Random

I dunno when I wud get to know the chemistry of other ppl. Ppl who are around me….whom I know. Some of them like my company…feels pleasure in my presence and makes me feel like sumone whereas sum just hate me…dislike me, loathe me…can’t even stand me. It’s a deep mystery. I dunno why when all the time am the same with everybody…the same self…..without any pretending then why sum hate me n sum love me??I dunno why sum ppl have dirty mind n cheap thought. Why don’t they think before pointing at sumbody not knowing that the rest of the fingers point at their own self. Why don’t they stand in other ppl’s shoes to feel the things with their point of view….see the things from their eyes.Why this world has become a mere cage of deceit…only treachery dominates here…why feelings don’t have any place here anymore..??Everybody thinks that whtever he’s doing is perfectly rite….why don’t they think before taunting and saying trash abt other ppl…I must add here saying things abt those ppl who they don’t even know...then why the hell do they spit crap!!!!Oh God! I never wish to think bad abt these ppl. I just want to forgive them…I know it’s the best act in ur eyes, God, but I am only a human being.No matter how hard I hold my tongue….grip my mind…sometime I just can’t tolerate anything. God, you are above all…above everything, you are the Al-might….the Al-merciful but wht am i??...A simple sinful human being…
So God it’s just too hard to control my anger and frustration when ppl do bad with me or with anybody else…Its not being bad and harsh just once but again n again and after all God am just a human…I can’t forgive them always….no matter how hard I try. I wish the person who does bad…thinks trash abt others without knowing them…just breaks his legs….fractures his arm…..falls down frm a tree….or at least the same thing happens to him…that sumone else also says trash abt him…thinks bad. Just to give him the taste of his own medicine.I just dunno why ppl do bad to others, why don’t they care about others feelings.Why don they reckon that today they are hurting someone but tomorrow they can also get hurt by someone they love, cherish n adore. You know wht…I do pray that sumthing like this happens to them. That someone they treasure…betrays them. Only then they wud feel it…only then they wud stand in other ppls shoes.I do wish…just to make them taste their own medicine….

Estranged soul..

Non of it comes to me..
why from truth do ppl flee?
non of it makes sense to me..
why get jealous frm other's glee?
non of it i understand..why curse the inevitable fate's hand?
non of these would i ever..
acknowledge neither perceive, never
Estranged soul i have become..
little love left for one to cherish.
hatred now dominates the passion,
little truth, little love, little trust
that was miraculously left...
now begins to crumble down with the crust.
non of it washes down to me...
give it some thought...won't ye??
estranged soul else u would be..!

I Exist...

the only light
is the candle flickering,
the love-stricken "parwanas"
leaping to it, then burning.
sacrificing all their life..
i feel like one of them..
so much burning alike.
in the cycle of re-births,
i born to die again..
to lessen this intense pain.
i dwell in this vast clan,
not any identity i have..
for you i want to live,
i burn again for another life...
all this i can not resist,
i want you to know..
i breathe...i live...i die..I Exist..!

Silent night

i drifted deep into the silent night,
trying to hold onto my life...with all my might,
Frozen are the eyes, for the warmths taken away,
from the heaviness of my heart...i stagger...i sway...
being stabbed i feel..with all the harshness i behold,
frosted are m'tears, emotions are m'cold,
pushed me, u did, ruthlessly in the pain.
left me so alone, in this pourin rain.
I question the Lord..ask for the mercy...is this all i get, is this all i gain?
for the love i held, for the truth i bled,
everything turns grey...the flowres just decay.
is this the fulfillment of all the time, i did, pray?
writhrin in sorrow, every second i die.
the moans i buried, in m'shattered self.
in all this hatred, finally i melt.
u never tried to feel the love, the pureness u never felt.
in this abyss, i now helplessly fall.
with the heart so broken, swollen are my feet.
i restore my path...the never ending journey i greet..
in the search of the answer, from the Lord above....
Is this pain the reward....of the fact i still love..???

Betrayals

The ominous dark sky
Is circled by the ravens so high
Their shrill cries echoing loud
The moon takes refuge
Behind a grey cloud
The whole earth is engulfed
In pitch black darkness
The world seems dwelling place for evil
The flowers, the stars, the creasing breeze
Through which one feels pious ‘n at ease
Are in irreducible gloom...obscurity blooms
But this is not bizarre at all
For which one should cry out ‘n call
History has merely repeated itself
It has always happened
These two legged creature
With hard, rugged features
Have always betrayed
Fires of hatred and disloyalty they have sprayed
Love ‘n trust are long ago forgotten….are left behind
Everyone is a betrayal….everyone is blind…

Reality never known

I’m no beauty
Neither I’m any angel
Though I wanted to be
But deeds to behold
I was always cold
I’ve hurt others by just being me
From reality, from truth I would flee
But unmasked, now I try…to find “me”
The real me, without any fakeness
My entity is a sham refuge
My soul is beheld by a cage of dishonesty
I’m all lies and treachery
My heart, it bleeds
Like heavens that weep
Unknowingly, unconsciously
I’ve shunned the reality
Lost in fame, in publicity
With the common person buried deep
The reality’s, the past’s also dead
Engulfed in my glories
I’ve forgotten the skinned knees
…the broken lorries.

The War

The calmness of the night
Was shattered by the deafening sound
Followed by the screams
And shrieks of agony and pain
The darkness of the night
Suddenly blazed red and bright
The heat even made the moon melt
The moans...the cries were heart-felt
These wars has wrecked us all
The once swinging swings
The merry playing children
Have become still
Their lost laughter echoes
The broken swings, the charred walls
Portrays the dismay…the helplessness
Every silence is broken
By the bullets…every now and then
When would it end, just when??
We long for peace
The once dominating love
Help, from the God above…
To want to see
the life come out from these ruins
Not these tanks, mocking at us
Not these riffles…these guns
Killing the innocent, hurting the harmless
When would this bloodshed stop?
We’ve got no more stamina to cope
A peaceful life is what we all hope
To see the darkness
Being blazed….with the gold that laces the horizon.

Loneliness

The wind blew softly
Over the moor
And a shiver passed me
As it grew cold
Here I stood
Lonely and frightened
Thinking…whether the day;
Would ever lightened
To me, the world seemed
A cage of deceit;
Filled with nothing
Except sorrow and grief
Engulfed in the flames of
Hatred and envy
This ruthless place
Is no longer worthy
Though a strange thought
Suddenly occurred to me
A desire to run, to shout or weep
But, all would be vain
As no one is there
To listen, to come
Or even to care
That is when I realized…
This world is completely
Brimmed with lies….

A lonely butterfly...

A lonely butterfly
Hugging every flower nearby
Mending the wings so hurt
Alone, crying out the heart
Deep in great agony
Killed by her own grief
Hurled by wicked words
Amidst all this cruelty
Without warning, a healing surprise
Aroused in a lovely form
Jabbed away the grieves, tears, agonies
A warm blanket, a protecting saint…

A mere shadow….

…….then a cloud hid the moon
In its slow, stealthy way
I sit there in Obscurity
Amidst nowhere
Seeing the dieing stars
In the echoing silent midnight
Listening an eccentric symphony
I mourn over my natal solitude
Never had I thought life without you
Alone with my satirical self
I now live, yet dead
Nobody can resuscitate me
I’m a body, without its essence
Enigmatic, yet explored
All this turbulent, ruined life
Evokes a desire….a wish…
To howl, to cry, to whimper
Anything to get you back
Every alcove of my heart
Hails for you, Yearns for you
Calls out to you in raucous voice
But all is worthless, in vain
Derailed once more
I plead for death……end
Dismal, broken and battered I am
That death also refuses to see
And I live in this darkness
Drained by my own tears of anguish
Dieing every second, living every second
Hanging in limbo
Living, yet dead
A mere shadow….

The coming day...

As I saw the suns go down
Coloring the sky with blue-black ink
Spreading gleaming jewels here ‘n there
I knelt down and prayed
O God! The new day to come
The new crisp sun to rise
Be it the message of a new life
With a new vigor, a new style
With blowing winds
To blow my fears away
To give me a hand
Which stables me when I sway
To fill these muddy, useless ground
With blooming flowers, comforting warmth
As I saw the sun go down
Coloring the sky with blue-black ink
Spreading gleaming jewels here ‘n there
I knelt down and prayed